choices

It has been an exciting week around here.  I went to my 3 hour glucose test, which, wasn't awesome.  I survived, but I didn't enjoy it.  Things sort of went downhill yesterday when my results came back.  As I expected, I do indeed have gestational diabetes.  I have to watch my carb & sugar intake, as well as make sure I get enough proteins to balance the carbs.  I will also get a glucometer, to check my blood sugars 4x a day.  Nothing I can't handle (after all, I have been following a similar diet for years anyway) even if I am not excited about the finger pokes.  What I didn't expect to come with that, was being slapped with the 'high risk' badge.  Which means, no birthing center delivery.  I haven't even gotten to tour the place, and already it's not an option.  it also puts me at a higher risk for a c-section - although not a given. 

The real blow came next.  The doctor wanted to discuss my last ultrasound.  The baby looks great, and s/he doesn't appear to be attempting an early exit.  However, the doctor at Maternal Fetal Medicine noticed some blood vessels behind my placenta, and was concerned.  My doctor saw the pictures, and agreed.  It could be a case of  'placenta accreta'.  It is too early to tell for sure, so they are going to send me for another ultrasound in a few weeks.  The waiting sucks to know for sure sucks, as it is very serious.  It is a situation where your placenta implants too deeply into the uterus walls.  When it comes time to deliver, it doesn't detach properly, which can cause serious hemorrhaging and even result in maternal death or a hysterectomy.  yes.  I don't guess you get a second 'high risk' badge.  maybe I add a ribbon to it.  Until yesterday, I was planning an un-medicated vaginal delivery.  I know what to expect with that.  it will hurt like a bitch, and then it will be done and then I will have my baby.  now, there are SO many unknown factors with all of it (how bad?  is it in any organs? will I be able to have more babies?) all I DO know is, if I do have this, I am now in the express lane to 1) an early delivery, which poses risks & complications for baby and 2) a c-section.  which, frankly, scares the ever-loving shit out of me.  the thought of nearly being cut in half is horrifying.  stitches scare me.  what if something goes wrong with anesthesia?  what if they give me the wrong antibiotic and I go into anaphalaxis (I am allergic to all 'cillians')?  what if I have to be put completely under, and what will that do to breast feeding...and on and on.  I am trying not to worry until I know more.  but it is so unbelievably hard.

I am a planner, and I like to decide things myself.  and right now, I feel like all my choices are being taken away.  I don't know how to be ok with it.

shit gets real...

it's not a new thing that I am pregnant - I have known for 5 months now (exactly!).  up until this point, it has been kind of a surreal and sort of, abstact thing, despite the regular kicks and thumps from my darling little monster.  today though, shit got real, as far as this whole 'baby' thing is concerned.  I scheduled our labor & delivery tours at two different hospitals.  I registered us for a Newborn Care & Saftey class, and a Preparing for Breastfeeding class.  to top it off, I spent 20 minutes hooked up to a fetal heart and contraction monitor (all is well, perfect heartbeat & no contractions).  it feels good to actually do something to get ready for baby T to get here, however, it all boils down to one thought now.  I am actually going to have to give birth.  in the not to distant future.  and it is getting closer everyday.  and I am so NOT ready for that part of things.  oh crap.

so much for that.

Apparently I spoke to soon, when I noted that we were all 'healthy' in our house.  Friday M was crabby and complaining of a sore throat.  We made it through the day, and just kind of figured it was allergies.  Saturday we woke up to get ready for Race for the Cure (what would have been my 5th!) and he once again noted his throat was really sore.  he also mentioned that he had a headache, and he got cold and had to turn his side of the heated mattress pad on in the middle of the night.  Red flags started going off.  I got him out the thermometer, and sure enough he had a slight fever (only 100.5).  after that I got out the flashlight and checked his throat.  swollen tonsils with white spots.  after much arguing, I convinced him to go back to sleep, which he did for TWO hours.  (besides hating being sick, he hates when I am right...which I usually am)  after that I drug him to urgent care (under much protest).  I knew it was either tonsilitis or strep, and didn't want to take any chances with it being strep.  ha!  after everything else that we have dealt with and been through last few weeks & months, my husband has strep throat.  at that point, all I could do was laugh.  thankfully we went in right away, and he is on antibiotics and on the mend.  That will teach me to brag about how well we are doing though!  that being said, I hope that I don't have to see the inside of a medical establishment (other than my doctors apointments...which, yeah.  not much I can do about that) until it is time to have this baby.  and that will probably be too soon. 

shaking things up....

oh, what a crazy 6 months it has been.  I should have known better than to start a blog right before the holidays!  we go non-stop with family stuff until mid-January.  whoops.  so, to try and recap....

We found out Christmas Eve, that we are waaaaaay more fertile than we ever thought possible, and after only two months of trying, we are having a baby!  he or she will be coming around the end of August.  here is the most recent picture (from 18w3d):

so adorable, no?

On top of the newness, awesomeness, and let's face it, crappiness of pregnancy, and all the normal other things that go on (holidays, vacations, nieces and nephews have birthdays, first communions, I turned 30....) we have had 4 family medical emergencies, including my husbands emergency appendectomy (last month) and a suspected stroke for my mother in law (THIS WEEK.  I spent 20 hours in the hospital.  thank GOD, she is OK, it was a complex migraine, which can present just like a stroke).  is it any great surprise that at 25.5 weeks, our nursery furniture is all in our lounge and the nursery room is still a guest room?  despite all of it though, things are great.  we are happy, (mostly) healthy and as usual have a whole lot of awesome things coming up (weddings, graduations, etc).  most importantly, we are SO excited to meet this little wiggle worm and see what the rest of the year holds for us.  and I will definitely be back here more often.  there is so much going on, I want to capture it.  I will try to make sure it is not ALL pregnancy related.  although for now, here is what I am looking like at this point: